February 28, 2023
I have made my mark in Windenburg.
I have been in love, out of love, and in love again,
and then I have been rewarded with the most beautiful gift of all;
I feel as though I have lived through a lot in Windenburg,
yet, I have only been here for three years.
And the events that took place since I last wrote in your pages dear journal, have changed my life completely.
Let me go back to November of 2021, when Matthew and I started giving love a try once again:
Matthew came to visit me.
He said he had come before but saw me with Michael and got the picture he would not be welcomed.
However, he felt compelled to come again, and so he did.
That’s when I told him I was not with Michael anymore. I think I saw relief on his face. That only made me more angry.
Still, I was too tired to argue and allowed him in and we had a long talk.
He explained how on that day we shared together, he had realized how much he loved me.
He said he couldn’t be with me then, but didn’t give me details of why.
I did confront him. I wanted details to convince me of what he was saying.
I could not trust him anymore than I trusted Michael at this point. I felt it was his fault that I had rebounced with Michael, him leaving me without so much of a goodbye.
There was a lot to be said really. He was right, a lot needed to be explained, this was not something that could be brush under the rug and over with.
In that moment I realized my feelings for Matthew had not completely changed, it was all just bottled up inside me.
Buried everything I felt while with Michael. But I could no longer hold back, I had to let Matthew know how much he had hurt me.
Matthew told me he loves me, he loved me then, and he loves me now; and even without all the details that were so important to me, I believed him.
I allowed him to come back into my life. I was the only one to blame.
Matthew kissed me. It had been the first time that Matthew had ever kissed me. As I remember it, I had always kissed him first.
We kissed and afterwards… well, you know. It was all so natural. Like it was meant to be.
A month later I was pregnant.
Obviously it was Matthew’s, and I knew it clearly.
I wished it more than anything.
Though I was not sure if he would believe me as he knew very well of my past relationship with Michael and that we had been together not long before that day Matthew came to the house to profess his love.
I could not be more wrong. My fears were quickly replaced with reassurance that life with Matthew would be – though at times most likely dramatic – full of pleasant surprises.
In February of 2022 he proposed… officially.
The wedding would not be until April. Exactly two months after he had proposed.
I was adamant to marry with a white gown; I didn’t care about having guests, much less bridesmaids nor any of the things that are so traditional of weddings.
My only wish – aside from having a white gown – was that my father was still alive to walk me down the isle.
We got married in the same place we fell in love.
Okay, so I was instantly smitten with Matthew at the coffee shop that first time I saw him, but what I mean is… the first time we both felt strong feelings for each other mutually.
Although Matthew kept his hidden,
but, I have already touched on that.
The truth is, my journal, my dearest and most wonderful companion throughout my early years in Windenburg… the truth is, I never really said much of my feelings to Matthew either.
Yes I expressed myself more openly, but at the same time I was reckless and naive.
I didn’t much care for his feelings as much as I just cared to acknowledge mine.
And he acted indifferent and cold, but now he is much softer and willing.
He must never grow his beard. I blame the horrible thing.
Today, Matthew, or Matt – I call him Matt… my Matt…
Today we are happy.
PS. I have not forgotten about Lucile… that witch!! The story does not end here…
TO BE CONTINUED…